A Small Fish in a Big Pond

2006-08-09T13:54:00.000-05:00

I am still alive.... just a year older. I turned 29 yesterday.

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Posting in the Summer

2006-07-26T09:48:00.000-05:00

This posting in the summer thing is really dang hard. My schedule has altered so greatly that my whole system has been thrown into chaos. I will, however, keep reading. The posting will, however, continue to be intermittent at best.

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2006-07-14T11:49:00.000-05:00

It has been too long since I last posted. I have been traveling on the east coast - enjoying good food, good music, and good friends. I have enjoyed my travels but I am also glad to be back and, once again, have some sort of routine to my life.

I have continued to read while on my vacation - I still am planning on continuing the Blog-A-Book posts - I have not finished any one of them. I am halfway through "The Fountainhead," "Walden," "Will in the World," and "Theory's Empire." As soon as I finish one of them, I will create a blog-a-book post.

After spending a couple weeks relaxing, I have a real drive to get things done for next semester. So - full speed ahead.

I also look forward to catching up on all your posts.

Ahh... it is good to be back.

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2006-06-21T20:44:00.000-05:00

I have wanted to change my template in honor of summer. I hope that everyone likes it.

2006-06-21T15:27:00.000-05:00

I haven't blogged in a few days... although I do check and read your blogs. Things have been incredibly hectic over in my piece of academic wonderland. Here are just a few of the happenings....

1) My father-in-law went into the hospital with heart problems. Mr. Aspiring flew out to spend time with his dad over the weekend. His dad will need to undergo surgery but it is fairly routine (as far as heart surgery goes). His problems appear to be truly solvable so, while we are not fully out of the woods, we can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

2) My good friend just had a baby. She was in labor for sixteen hours. Wonderwoman!!!

3) I have spent time doing some planning for my big trip out east. So excited.

4) I have been working really hard on a) thesis research, b) PhD applications, c) various readings, and d) conference (publish ????) papers.

5) I have also been planning a dinner party for this weekend. It started as dinner for 16 and has morphed into a BBQ for 35.

So, needless to say, life is pretty hectic here in the fast lane of Academic Wonderland. I have in mind to do some blogging about academia and raising children as well as what truly consitutes diversity. But my mind is mush currently so it will have to wait.

Blog-A-Book #7

2006-06-16T12:48:00.000-05:00

I am a little disappointed in my progress this summer. I have tried to dedicate time to reading - but with working full time, it seems that I am not getting nearly as much done as I would like. I must try harder.

Blog A Book #7
The Kitchen Boy: A Novel of the Last Tsar by Robert Alexander

I picked up this book at Borders without knowing the first thing about it. The front cover drew my attention and the back flap kept it - so I decided to pick it up. Sometimes this is a good way to pick a book, othertimes I find myself disappointed. This time, however, I must admit that "The Kitchen Boy" is a damn good book.

There is quite a bit of secret combinations in action throughout the book - so I don't want to go into too much detail for fear of spoiling it for anyone. But I must say, I was gripped throughout even though I knew how things would end more or less (the Tsar and his family would be killed). When a writer can keep a reader on the edge of the seat with historical fiction (a genre where the surprise factor is generally mission) I am impressed. It was this way with Alexander's book.

Overall - just a good, short read.

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2006-06-09T11:47:00.000-05:00

I am working on some syllabus revisions - and I wanted some feedback. Am I being too much of a hardnose here? I am trying to avoid headaches later in the semster by being really direct up front. I am also trying to create a document that will allow me to back up unpleasant decisions later in the semester.

Attendance:
Your regular attendance is a requirement. You are allowed not more that three absences this semester. Any unexcused absence after three will lower your grade one full letter; any unexcused absence after five will result in your failing the course.

Late Work:
If you feel that for some emergency reason (emergency is here defined by the same standard as 911 Emergency Services) you will not be able to turn in your assignment on time, contact me the day before the assignment is due to discuss. Other than that, late work will not be accepted.

This course requires that you have and check an email address. If you have not already done so, forward your university email address to whichever account you check on a regular basis. Additionally, this course also requires that you use the University Online Environment. I, Aspiring Academic, will be explaining to you how to access this system, check announcements, post comments, and submit you papers. However, the responsibility for understanding this system rests with you, the student. As your teacher, I am more than willing to take whatever time you need to understand the system, however, difficulties with University Online Environment, except in the case of a downed system (which I can check), will not be accepted as an excuse for missing or late assignments.

2006-06-09T10:30:00.000-05:00

It has been a long week or so... I have been very busy doing a whole number of things. But I am back with another Blog-A-Book.

So, without futher ado... Blog-A-Book #6 Islam: Religion, History and Civilization

To be completely honest, I found this book to be rather poorly written. The sentence structure, word choice, and descriptions in the book left a whole lot to be desired. Additionally, instead of a anthropological approach - I found that this book was written in an attempt to convert its audience to the practice of Islam. I felt kind of cheated because that was not the way in which the book was billed - however, I always finish what I start.

Aside from overly preachy writing and disturbing logical fallacies - this book also contained the most unuseful laundry lists. When I wasn't slightly perturbed, I was flat out bored.

I have read some really good books on Islam and I firmly believe that an understanding of Islam is imperative. Additionally, I have quite a bit of respect for the vast majority of Muslims. However, I would not suggest this book as a primer (or anything else for that matter) in understanding the Islamic worldview.

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2006-06-03T21:43:00.000-05:00

As seen at PhD Me's

Which of Henry VIII's wives are you?

this quiz was made by Lori Fury

2006-06-02T13:40:00.000-05:00

Blog-A-Book #5

Map of Misreading by Harold Bloom

I have wanted, for a while, to read Harold Bloom. To be honest, I have a bit of respect for his willingness to stand up for his intellectual viewpoint although it is increasingly unpopular in the academe. That fact may very well anger a great deal of academics but I feel like I can respect a man without fully embracing his opinions.

Sometimes in Graduate School, I have been made to feel that it is more important to out-theory the theorists than it is to try and really engage in constructive inquiry. I find myself being frustrated by this … believing that theory has become the new canon that it sought to replace. That is not to say that I don’t find theory incredibly useful at times – especially feminist theory, critical race theory, some deconstruction, etc. – but it is to say that I prefer to think of theory as a tool instead of thinking of theory as the subject matter being studied.

I was interested to read Bloom because he is know for being the guy that has “stood up” to the Deconstructionist. That is not to say that he doesn’t have his own theories – in many ways, I find Bloom to be a theorist just like Derrida but I thought it would be interesting to read that which we are not supposed to read.

I found myself highly impressed by the shear amount of knowledge Bloom seems to have mastered. He moved easily between literary movements, genres, and theorist. That alone made this book interesting reading.

I have long felt pulled between theories of artistic production that were centered on the individual and theories of artistic production that put preeminence on historical forces at work on the artist. I think writing is a bit of both – internally constructed based on external stimulus. Bloom’s “anxiety of influence” appears, to me at first read, to try to balance itself between both internal and external construction. I was intrigued by that… however, I don’t think Bloom spreads his net far enough – while he claims that writers (specifically poets) are influenced by their precursors, he allows, no where in his theories, for other outside experiences – history, gender roles, etc. etc. Additionally, Bloom does a great job of explaining how dead white males influence living white males – but his theories do nothing for any other group of authors. What of men like Fredrick Douglass? Or women like Sylvia Plath? Or perhaps writers like Sherman Alexie? Bloom’s theories leave no room for writers like these or their art – and I find that to be a gapping hole in his ideas.

I found Bloom worth reading because of the emphasis that he places on textual evidence. I find that is some of the academic wandering in theory we forget to look at the text – however, I am do not agree with what Bloom believes that he has found.

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2006-06-01T23:11:00.000-05:00

eI am going to want to write a post on this later. I am too tired tonight.

Edited to add:
Actually, there has been a lot of comment on this article in the blogworld. I am not sure that I have anything stellar to add. However, while I found the article funny, I also couldn't help thinking... does this guy not understand the concept of irony. So many of the lyrics that he quoted as being conservative, I took to have been highly ironic. Additionally, many of the lyrics that Miller found to be conservative - I see as being highly liberal... especially ones about the government. Good try Miller... you even made me laugh... but you just don't really get it do you?

2006-06-01T18:07:00.000-05:00

Today was a rather long and boring day. I did spend sometime looking through the syllabus for the course I will be teaching in the fall. I have decided to switch one of the secondary texts for another text - which means some major reworking of about one third of the syllabus - but I think it will be better once I have done it.

Other than that, I have tried not to be cranky and frustrated with the world. I don't feel too hot today and so I had to work hard not to let that effect my mood. It is amazing how much work that can be.

This test hurt my head... but I was bored.

2006-05-31T11:20:00.000-05:00

This test hurt my head... but I was bored... so I slogged through. I am not sure about the results... I will have to think on it.

N-A-O
You scored 66% Non-Reductionism, 66% Epistemological Absolutism, and 77% Moral Objectivism!

You are an N-A-O: a metaphysical Non-Reductionist, an epistemological Absolutist, and a moral Objectivist. If you are simply dying inside to figure out what all this mumbo-jumbo means, then simply continue reading.

Metaphysics: Non-Reductionism (Idealism or Realism) In metaphysics, my test measures your tendency towards Reductionism or Non-Reductionism. As a Non-Reductionist, you recognize that reality is not necessarily simple or unified, and you thus tend to produce a robust ontology instead of carelessly shaving away hypothetical entities that reflect our philosophical experiences. My test recognizes two types of Non-Reductionists: Idealists and Realists.

1. Idealists believe that reality is fundamentally unknowable. All we can ever know is the world of sense experience, thought, and other phenomena which are only distorted reflections of an ultimate (or noumenal) reality. Kant, one of the most significant philosophers in history, theorized that human beings perceive reality in such a way that they impose their own mental frameworks and categories upon reality, fully distorting it. Reality for Kant is unconceptualized and not subject to any of the categories our minds apply to it. Idealists are non-reductionists because they recognize that the distinction between phenomenal reality and ultimate reality cannot be so easily discarded or unified into a single reality. They are separate and distinct, and there is no reason to suppose the one mirrors the other. Major philosophical idealists include Kant and Fichte.

If your views are different from the above, then you may be a Realist. 2. Realists deny the validity of sloppy metaphysical reductions, because they feel that there is no reason to suspect that reality reflects principles of parsimony or simplicity. Realism is the most common-sensical of the metaphysical views. It doesn't see reality as a unity or as reducible to matter or mind, nor does it see reality as divided into a phenomenal world of experience and an unknowable noumenal world of things-in-themselves. Realist metaphysics emphasizes that reality is for the most part composed of the things we observe and think. On the question of the existence of universals, for instance, a realist will assert that while universals do not physically exist, the relations they describe in particulars are as real as the particular things themselves, giving universals a type of reality. Thus, no reduction is made. On the mind-body problem, realists tend to believe that minds and bodies both exist, and the philosophical problems involved in reducing mind to matter or matter to mind are too great to warrant such a reduction. Finally, realists deny that reality is ultimately a Unity or Absolute, though they recognize that reality can be viewed as a Unity when we consider the real relations between the parts as constituting this unity--but it doesn't mean that the world isn't also made up of particular things. Aristotle and Popper are famous realists.

*****

Epistemology: Absolutism (Rationalism or Pragmatism) My test measures one's tendency towards Absolutism or Skepticism in regards to epistemology. As an Absolutist, you believe that objective knowledge is possible given the right approach, and you deny the claims of skeptical philosophers who insist that we can never have knowledge of ultimate reality. The two types of Absolutists recognized by my test are Rationalists and Pragmatists.

1. Rationalists believe that the use of reason ultimately provides the best route to truth. A rationalist usually defines truth as a correspondence between propositions and reality, taking the common-sense route. Also, rationalists tend to believe that knowledge of reality is made possible through certain foundational beliefs. This stance is known as foundationalism. A foundationalist believes that, because we cannot justify the truth of every statement in an infinite regress, we ultimately reach a foundation of knowledge. This foundation is composed of a priori truths, like mathematics and logic, as well as undoubtable truths like one's belief in his or her own existence. The belief that experiences and memories are veridical is also part of the foundation. Thus, for a rationalist knowledge of reality is made possible through our foundational beliefs, which we do not need to justify because we find them to be undoubtable and self-evident. In regards to science, a rationalist will tend to emphasize the foundational assumptions of scientific inquiry as prior to and more important than scientific inquiry itself. If science does lead to truth, it is only because it is based upon the assumption of certain rational principles such as "Every event is caused" and "The future will resemble the past". Philosophy has a wide representation of philosophical rationalists--Descartes, Spinoza, Liebniz, and many others.

If that didn't sound like your own views, then you are most likely the other type of Absolutist: the Pragmatist. 2. Epistemological Pragmatists are fundamentally identified by their definition of truth. Truth is, on this view, merely a measure of a proposition's success in inquiry. This view is a strictly scientific notion of truth. A proposition can be called true if it leads to successful predictions or coheres best with the observed facts about the world. Thus, for the pragmatist, knowledge of reality is possible through scientific reasoning. A pragmatist emphasizes man's fallibility, and hence takes baby-steps towards knowledge through scientific methodology. Any truth claim for a pragmatist is open to revision and subject to change--if empirical observations lead us to call even logical rules into question (like quantum physics has done for the law of the excluded middle), then we can and should abandon even these supposed a priori and "absolutely certain" logical rules if they do not accord with our testing and refuting of our various propositions. As a consequence of this, a pragmatist doesn't feel that scientific knowledge is based upon unfounded assumptions that are taken to be true without any sort of justification--rather, they believe that the successes of scientific inquiry have proved that its assumptions are well-founded. For instance, the assumption of science that the future will be like the past is adequately shown by the amazing success of scientific theories in predicting future events--how else could this be possible unless the assumption were true? Pragmatism borrows elements from realism and yet attempts to account for the critiques made by skeptics and relativists. It is essentially a type of philosophical opportunism--it borrows the best stances from a large number of philosophical systems and attempts to discard the problems of these systems by combining them with others. Famous pragmatists of this type are Peirce and Dewey.

*****

Ethics: Objectivism (Deontology or Logical Positivism) In Ethics, my test measures your tendency towards moral Objectivism or moral Relativism. As a moral Objectivist, you are opposed to Subjectivist moral theories and believe that morality applies to people universally and actually describes objects and situations out in the world as opposed to just subjects themselves. The two types of moral Objectivists my test recognizes are Kantian Deontologists and Utilitarians.

1. Kantian Deontologists believe that the one intrinsic good is a good will. As rational beings capable of making decisions, the moral worth of our decisions is ultimately derived from the intentions behind our actions, not their consequences. A moral being does the right thing not out of recognition of any consequences, but out of a sense of moral duty. For Kant, a good will is the ultimate good because to deny the will is to deny the one thing that makes us rational, moral beings. If an act will accord with or further our status as free, rational beings, and it is possible to will the universalization of such a moral principle without infringing upon our good wills, then an act is good. Kant's categorical imperative provides an objective standard to judge moral worth--it is not hypothetical in the sense of other imperatives, which hide a latent if-clause. For instance, "Eating razors is good" is good ONLY if you tack on an if-clause that says something like: "If you wish to destroy your gums." Thus, the categorical imperative is good, not just IF something is the case, but in ALL cases. It requires people to treat others as ends, and not means to ends, for to treat everyone as a means to an ends would be to deny them their ability to function as rational, free beings--which is what makes morality possible in the first place. The major propnent of this view in the history of philosophy is, quite obviously, Kant.

If that didn't sound like your position, then you are probably the other variety of moral Objectivist--the Utilitarian. 2. Utilitarians define "happiness" or "pleasure" as the sole intrinsic good, and the principle "The greatest pleasure for the greatest number" best reflects a Utilitarian view of ethics. Utilitarianism is a consequentialist moral theory, meaning the consequences of an action--not the intentions behind it--determine the act's moral worth. Even if you intended to do great evil with a certain act, if the act produces a net gain of pleasure and happiness for the greatest number, then it was indeed a good act because your intentions weren't realized. What matters in this scenario, obviously, is the consequences of the act. Utilitarianism, of course, can also be reduced to Hedonism. If you do not feel that the greatest happiness of the greatest number matters, but only pay heed to the greatest happiness of individuals, then you are more adequately classified as a Hedonist. But both Utilitarians and Hedonists define "pleasure" as an intrinsic good and determine the moral worth of an act through its consequences. The only difference is whether we measure the collective pleasure of a group or only an individual's pleasure. Prominent Utilitarians include Bentham and Mill.

*****

As you can see, when your philosophical position is narrowed down there are so many potential categories that an OKCupid test cannot account for them all. But, taken as very broad categories or philosophical styles, you are best characterized as an N-A-O. Your exact philosophical opposite would be an R-S-R.

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 37% on Metaphysics

You scored higher than 80% on Epistemology

You scored higher than 88% on Ethics

Link: The Sublime Philosophical Crap Test written by saint_gasoline on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

2006-05-30T19:49:00.000-05:00

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Spook: Science Tackles the Afterlife by Mary Roach

2006-05-30T15:39:00.000-05:00

Blog-a-book Entry #4

Spook: Science Tackles the Afterlife by Mary Roach

I read this book because I really enjoyed reading Mary Roach's first book - Stiff. There is just something really funny about reading a book about cadavers written by a woman named Roach. That aside - I enjoyed Roach's first book because of the humorous and artful way in which she discussed death and the physical reality of that state of being. I thought that reading Spook would be the same experience.

In some ways, I really enjoyed Roach's second text, Spook: Science Tackles the Afterlife. One finds in Spook, just as in Stiff, a bitting sense of humor and a clever use of language. Addditionally, it Ms. Roach treats her subjects with a good deal of respect even when others might not. However, this book didn't seem like it came together quite as well as her first peice. Perhaps that is the nature of her subject matter, but at the end of reading this book I found myself wanted her to wrap things up a little tighter.

Overall Spook is a good book - it is just that Stiff was better. I would suggest starting with Stiff and then, if you like Mary Roach's approach to her subjects, move on to Spook.

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2006-05-26T18:22:00.000-05:00

Glory halleluja - it is finally the weekend. And a three day weekend at that. I am so blissfully excited.

Mr. Aspiring and I have tickets to go see X-men Three tonight (or as I refer to it "Geek-men Three). My husband is pretty excited about it and I am just excited to be able to spend time with him in any capacity outside of cleaning up the apartment (which is ususally what we are doing when we see each other).

This weekend I also want to get a haircut and possibly go shopping. I would like to get a new outfit or two now that I am working full time. I don't like most of my business casual stuff and I have next to no really business clothes. I don't want to invest a ton of money because, well, I don't plan on being a jet-setting business woman. But I also know that in even in academia where dress standards are a little looser (especially for graduate students) there is a need for formal clothing. And I do have some - but not enough and nothing that I feel like a show-stopper in.

I am also planning on sleeping in. I feel a little less exhausted. The last two nights I have actually been able to sleep through the night but I still am looking forward to not having to set an alarm for three whole days. Yowza!!!

And I think that since Mr. Aspiring and I have already splirged on movie tickets tonight - we should continue that trend and go out to dinner. That means both no cooking and, more importantly, no cleaning up afterwards.

I hope that you all have wonderful weekends. Enjoy the time off.

2006-05-25T18:27:00.000-05:00

Tonight is my book group meeting. The group is coming over here this time. I have some yummy snacks that I picked up at the local bakery. I have spot cleaned the house - though I don't have energy to do much more than that.

We have a funny sort of book group. I am the youngest member. Most of the women are in their late forties or early fifties - and they are all members of my church. And contrary to all stereotypes - we read the most wonderfully controversial books. The conversations are excellent - well informed, respectful and open minded. I really enjoy it.

Additionally - most book group meetings go until the wee hours of the morning (by middle aged standards). It is not unheard of to have a meeting run until one in the morning. This is not your mother's book club - and, yet, that is exactly what it is. I love it.

2006-05-24T18:08:00.000-05:00

Concern: I am exhausted all the time these days. I leave for work at seven and get home around six. By the time I come in the door I am sooo tired. Today I have to cook dinner for some friends, do some laundry, do the dishes, and try to get through some reading. I am so exhausted, I am not sure how I am going to accomplish it all. Now I know that I work hard - but this is ridiculous. Perhaps - since I started working full time the day after I turned in my last final- I never got the end of the semester downtime and now I am feeling it? Still - I shouldn't be this tired, should I?

Edited to add: Now that I think about it, my sleep has been really restless. The last three nights I have woken up with "mini panic attacks." That has to be it. Any solutions?

2006-05-19T23:27:00.000-05:00

Bitch PhD has this truly important post on her site that I think one and all should read.

Latin

2006-05-19T13:10:00.000-05:00

I am spending part of my summer trying to learn a bit of Latin. I am doing this on my own using Wheelock's Latin as my core text. I have a few questions for anyone who might know more than I about the subject (which would be just about anyone).

My biggest question has to do with pronunciation. I have read Wheelock's guide and, while helpful, it would be really helpful to me to hear some of the sounds pronounced. For one, they stick in my head better. Plus, I feel like I can then be confident that my pronunciation approximates what is currently accepted.

Anyone have any suggestions? Are there any Latin tapes/cds that are particularly excellent?

I also would love to hear suggestions on learning a language on one's own. I speak English, Spanish (so-so), and Portugese but each of these languages I learned by living abroad. I am not really sure how to teach myself. Anyone had any experience with this? Success? Things to avoid?

The Professor and the Madman

2006-05-19T12:56:00.000-05:00

The Professor and the Madman by Simon Winchester

I know that I already blogged a book today but, as it has been a slow day for me, I have finished Winchester's book about the writing of the Oxford English Dictionary. I thought that I would take a second to blog about it as well.

Disclaimer: I have attempted in my writing of this post to avoid including any spoilers. I apologize for any errors.

As a student of English, I find the history of the Oxford English Dictionary especially interesting. I have offen refered to this amazing piece of scholarship in my own research but I have never really stopped to consider the amount of work that was required to produce this lexicon. Reading Winchester's "The Professor and the Madman" helped open my eyes the scholarship that went into producing a complete historical dictionary of the English language.

The story of William Minor, the Yale educated Civil War veteran turned murderer, is told brillantly in the this work. While Winchester clearly condemns the act which percipitated Minor's arrest and imprisonment, the author weaves his tale with symapthetic colors. One begin to almost like William Minor or, at the very least, feel sorry for him.

For me, this book was an excellent read. It was relatively easy - not at all taxing - but the story that it tells is compelling. I enjoyed the book enough that I would be interested to read Winchester's other texts, particularly his work on Krakatoa.

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2006-05-19T09:09:00.000-05:00

"The Historian" by Elizabeth Kostova

I wrote a post for this book yesterday but Blogger ate it. I am going to try again now. Hopefully, I will have more success.

Disclaimer: I have attempted to avoid writing anything that might be a spoiler. I apologize for any mistakes in judgment.

Kostova's book reminded me a little of the feeling that I got as a child while watching the Indian Jones movies. As a young girl, I wanted to grow up to be Indian Jones - speaking a dozen lanugage, traveling all over the world to do research, and fighting the bad guys while protecting the innocent. I always associated myself with Indie - not his love interest.

Kostova's book creates the same sort of illusion about academia - that the mild manner bookworms that frequent the stacks are really heros desperately seeking answers that will protect us all - from Nazis, Dracula, or whatever villian may lerk in the shadows. That kind of image appeals to my inner kid. I love the combination of intellectual prowless and courage in the face of "evil."

I do appreciate the fact that Kostova allows her female characters a real slice of the action. I felt, though perhaps imperfectly executed, that Kostova wrote female characters that were meant to be stronger and more intelligent that the ridiculous woman that followed after Indian Jones. It was nice to see woman participating in the hunting of Dracula instead of being the weak foil to a strong gentleman character.

My one complaint about Kostova's book, which truly is a book of popular fiction and not an a work of "serious literature" (whatever that may be), is that it ends too abruptly. Kostova spends over 600 pages carefully crafting her tail, dropping subtle and not-so-subtle hints throughout, but then she resolves the mystery in the final 20 pages - almost as if she just wanted to be finished writing her tome. I felt that the ending, while interesting, was rushed. I found myself wishing that it had been more carefully crafted.

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2006-05-15T19:54:00.000-05:00

I finally organized my summer to do list and set up a prospective timeline. It will be a bit of a push... but it should be good for me. If I can read 2/3 of everything and write the same I should be in really good shape for the fall. Chug... chug... chug.... I think I can, I think I can.

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2006-05-14T21:10:00.000-05:00

I haven't had the time (or the subject matter) to blog for the last little bit. I get the feeling that a lot of academics in the blogosphere have had the same conundrum. There hasn't seemed to have been the same amount of posting as I usually see... perhaps because we are all trying to get our breath back from last semester. So I think I will turn to the oft-used format of "Bullets of Crap" made popular by so many of you (I don't know who started it).....

**I have been working full time this week. Mr. Aspiring and I are both really excited about the money that will bring in... an excitement which has caused us to put together an amazon.com list. We really need to use the money to pay off some debts - but a little splirge here won't kill us.

**I have set up reading groups with two friends as well as having discussed work with two professors. I am also working with a third friend on GRE prep because I would like to retake the GRE before I apply to PhD programs. I need to sit down with my schedule and really work through these things - so I have some projected deadlines - but, overall, I am doing well.

**I also want to get my PhD applications prepared because they will all be due next semester. I would prefer not to have to worry about them while I am doing coursework.

**I am in the process of reading a really fun peice of pop literature - "The Historian." It is all about vampires. So silly, so camp... not something I would recommend in academic circles but a nice departure before I begin working whole hog on my summer reading list.

**I am still thinking through some of my issues with grades and my need for validation. While this semesters grades turned out as good as I could want - I still feel a need to seperate myself from this form of outside validation. This is a real struggle for me and I am not sure exactly how to perform the exorcism.

** I called my mother today and wished her Happy Mother's Day. It was nice to chat with her.

** Additionally, Mother's Day has kicked my biological clock into overdrive. It is silly. I am not ready for a child... I really want to get through all of my coursework and be in a place where my life style is more controlled by my own time schedule before I think about children.... but I really want one. I am almost thirty and I feel the need to be a mommy.

**As I look at the lists I have created for myself (summer projects and the like) I feel a bit overwhelmed. I need to get cracking before it gets too much further along. I only have three months.

** I am hoping to do another blog-a-book post in the next day or two. I am almost finished with book two. Not bad. I hope that more of you will join me... I would love to hear about what you are all reading. Maria has got some stuff started over on her blog.

That is pretty much all the news fit to print. There have been a few other events that have occured but I need to think about how I want to discuss them. I should have them up in the next day or two.

Hope that you are all enjoying your summer... whatever that may mean. At least the weather is beautiful.

The Outside World by Tova Mirvis

2006-05-08T23:14:00.000-05:00

Two extended blog posts in one night - what is the world coming to?!?

Remember how I said I wanted to Blog-a-Book this summer... well, I thought I would start tonight. I have thought about how best I wanted to do this - do I want to write these posts in a way that really gets to the heart of my thoughts (but may be a bit of a spoiler for individual who haven't read) or do I want to do a bit a of a book review (without any spoiler information). I think that, with this book (at least), I want to do a book review. However, in the future, if I choose to write about issues in a book that require a pre-reading - I will clearly mark it as a spoiler. Today's post should be safe to read if you haven't read the book though. I think, given my current brain condition, I will start pretty basic.

"The Outside World" by Tova Mirvis
This book follows the life of two families within the Orthodox Jewish community. When I picked up this book, I did not know very much about this particular community, so my view of this book has been influenced by my lack of prior knowledge. Having said that, I really loved this book and the thing that I like best about this book was the character development.

Mirvis does an excellent job of writing characters that are sympathetic while still being very human. Perhaps that is what makes them so sympathetic. Each of her characters struggle, in various ways, with bridging the gap between their secular and religious life and, in doing so, each character comes to their own balance. Mirvis writes so that non-Jews can begin to understand the community and the difficulty of remaining a member of a orthodox religious community. The balance that her various characters find between their religious life and their secular life is neither cliche or static - but instead, the answers are partial (like answers often are), fluid and heartfelt.

Having myself grown up in a religious home and, having chosen to maintain that portion of my upbringing, I find myself working still to maintain a balance between multiple facets of my own life. Mirvis book, although it was directed at issues specific the Orthodox Jewish community, created various layers of dialogue about faith and spirituality. There were ideas and feelings portrayed in this book, that while they were not mine, they were real and understandable based upon what I have seen and felt in my own life.

I would love to hear what other's would have to say about this work - especially anyone that has more experience with the Orthodox Jewish community.

I have been intentionally vague in my discussion of this book so that I would not spoil it for anyone who might choose to read it - but in the future would people like more details?

Becoming a Graduate Student

2006-05-08T22:51:00.000-05:00

Ever since last week, when I turned in my final paper, I have been considering some of the experiences that I have had in my first year of graduate school. One thing that has been foremost in my thoughts, probably due to recent experiences, is the connection that I have developed to grades - an unhealthy one - through my undergraduate years, and how that connection effects me as a gradutate student.

As an undergraduate, I knew that I wanted to go to graduate school. I didn't decide to go to graduate school when I graduated... I knew years earlier. Consequently, I put a lot of stock in my grades. It was very important to me that I get good grades. And, my relative success made me feel good about myself. Somehow, in the drive to get into gradute school, I connected my self-esteem to my grades. If I was getting good grades (and by this I meant As), then I was progressing towards my goal. If I wasn't getting As, than I had somehow failed myself and I needed to try harder.

Now, we take this attitude and bring it forward to graduate school. I somehow, in the push to get in, have internalized the idea that grades somehow define me. Sick, huh? I feel overwhelmed with the need to keep a 4.0 (a goal I am not sure I met this semester) and the fear that I will fall behind translate into a fear that I am not who I think I am, that I am not an intelligent person, that I am a fraud.

The truth is that intellectually, I think that this is sick. I know that I am more than my GPA. That the grading system is a flawed system, that life interferes with the ability to perform at a given moment, that sometimes we have bad days...etc. etc. etc. But, I still wake up in the middle of the night with panic attacks. And I still find myself crying - fearful that I have failed myself by not getting straight As. Sick, huh?

Mr. Aspiring trys really hard to calm me down - but I still find myself constantly nervous. I think I am actually beginning to make myself sick with worry. I have had a headache all day, been unable to concentrate, and I feel achy.

And so I write this post before grades come out - so that I can try to convince myself that getting a B, or even two Bs, does not mean that I am a failure. Nor does it mean that I will never get into a PhD program (does it?) or that I am incapable. Mr. Aspiring is convinced that I won't get two Bs... but who knows? Graduate school professors don't tend to let you know how you are doing - so I went into finals feeling kind of blind.

I need to say in all this that most of my friends have gotten Bs in graduate school - and I don't have these thoughts about any of them. This is purely a psychological issue with myself - kind of like OCD or anerexia - I don't place these same standards on anyone else. Mr. Aspiring is not an academic - and I think he is one of the most wonderful and intelligent people I know. This is all about me and only me.

I don't know really where I am headed with all this. I just feel the need to kind of purge. I wonder if any other graduate students struggle with this - we all seem to be pretty goal oriented folks.

Grades don't come out for another week and my goal is to spend this week feeling comfortable with me, regardless of the grade report. Even if I get all As, I need to begin to seperate myself emotionally from my GPA - just for my own mental health. This goes further than this semesters grades - but into my own psyche.

2006-05-05T06:50:00.000-05:00

Well, it is done. I wish I felt happy about being finished... however, I think that between now and when grades are posted I will probably develop an ulcer.

However, I think I will drown myself in fun reading! That should at least keep my mind off of things.

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2006-05-04T18:33:00.000-05:00

Today has not been a great day. I am two pages away from the end of my last paper... a fact that should make me jump for joy. However, the saga of Paper #2 has continued... and it leaves me feeling totally incapable. I don't think my self-esteem has been this low in a long time. Which means that, where I felt good about paper #3, I am now second guessing everything that I have done this far.

I thought I was beginning to get this graduate school thing... and now maybe I am not so sure.

I am really beginning my doubt to be successful in this endeavor.

If I don't keep a 4.0 in my MA program... will I ever be admitted to a PhD program? The competition is so fearce I find myself developing an ulcer.

2006-05-04T06:36:00.000-05:00

Today is the last day of the big push - and then I can officially enjoy summer. I have two piles of books that come up past my waist that I am excited to dive into.

I have an exam later today. I have studied for it quite a bit already but I am up early this morning doing a quick review. After my exam, I am going to head back to the coffee shop - where they know me pretty well already - and finish my paper. I have 12 of the 20 pages so I have a lot of work to do. The paper is due anytime tomorrow but I would really like to finish it tonight so Mr. Aspiring can put his eye to it - I like having two people (me and him) proofread it. Somehow I feel like I have given it my best when I have it proofread by someone other than me - and Mr. Aspiring is so helpful.

In order to get paper #3 done by tonigh though I am going to have to push hard. But I should be home from my final by oneish - so if I put my butt in a chair and just work I should be able to write eight pages. I have nine pages of notes to pull from.

And then I am done. Done. Done. DONE!

I have a baby shower to plan (that is in less than a week - invitations got sent out two weeks ago but that is all that has been accomplished). I also have a house to clean - it is currently in total disrepair - Mr. Aspiring is good, but he's still a boy and has the cleanliness of a boy. Thanks to him, however, the house doesn't need to be condemned just overhauled. I have walks to take - our town is beautiful and it is summer now so I feel a real desire to really enjoy it. I need to get some real sleep - not the kind where I wake up at two in the morning in a panic. And, have I mentioned, I have books to read.

But I am getting ahead of myself - I need to concentrate really hard today and "get 'er done." Damn, did I just quote who I think I did.

I blame it on the caffine.

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2006-05-03T10:25:00.000-05:00

I got a really, really good night's sleep last night and now I feel prepared to tackle paper #3. I also need to make sure that I prep for my final which is tomorrow. I can actually see the light at the end of this little tunnel. And I have all sorts of exciting plans this summer - including a real vacation with Mr. Aspiring (which is extra exciting because we have never taken one, we also missed a honeymoon), a trip to "far off city" to see a good friend of mine, and a summer book list that beats all. I just have to make sure that my excitment to be almost finished, coupled with the gorgeous weather, doesn't halt my actual progress in getting finished.

So on that note, I am going to finish my morning routine and head over to the local coffee shop. They know me so well there now.

2006-05-02T18:08:00.000-05:00

I **heart** strawberry vanilla italian sodas - with creme and whipped cream. Mmmm good.

So paper number two was turned in today. We will see how that goes but it is done.

I am currently about five (rather rough) pages into paper three. I need to finish writing it, proof it, massage it a bit... and prep for my one and only final. And then summer is officially here.

I met with KP (see side if you don't know to who I am referring) today. S/he was a lot of help. S/he told me I did well in her/his class - so I can quit stressing about that one and look forward to the two big tasks at hand.

I don't have anything to do tomorrow but work so I think I won't kill myself tonight but try to get some sleep. I have been burning the candle at both ends and I can feel it. I think I have aged about four years in the last week. Ahh... my youth.

I find myself so excited about being halfway done that I want to celebrate. I need to force myself to wait on that. But perhaps I will order out tonight as a semi-celebration - got to eat regardless, right?

Okay... enough procrastination... back to work... at least I have my iPod to help me feel better about spending yet another night holed up at a cafe working. Love that Arcade Fire.

2006-05-01T22:55:00.000-05:00

Paper #2 is due tomorrow afternoon and I am just now taking a break for doing my final proofreading. It feels good to not have to rush to turn it in. There has been so additional drama to this paper, drama I have selected not to blog, but it is over as far as I can tell. It feels good to be done with it.

I have also worked quite a bit on paper #3 today. I have a meeting with two of my professors tomorrow - one to discuss paper #3 and one, who being the wonderful professor that s/he is, is to discuss comments on paper #1. S/he will have already graded paper #1 by tomorrow and just wants to sit down and give us face to face feedback. I am a little nervous about this - but I think it is an excellent idea. It makes me feel like my work is valued by this professor - instead of just turning it in and never hearing about it again.

Anyway, back to the proofreading. I hope to be in bed by midnight. What a dream come true!

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2006-04-30T22:45:00.000-05:00

I just submitted my draft. Everyone keep your fingers crossed.

87/19556/14/310

2006-04-30T20:39:00.000-05:00

Okay, I decided not to look over my note for paper #3. Shoot me. Can you tell I am getting a little punchy.

Here is the meme that has been circulating for awhile. I thought I would do it for a diversion.

I am working on my paper.
I want to be sleeping.
I wish that all my student loans would magically disappear.
I hate feeling behind on my work - can we say final's week.
I love Mr. Aspiring - he continues to amaze me.
I miss my mum.
I fear that I will never make it through graduate school.
I hear my iPod playing on random - currently it is Oingo Boingo.
I wonder how my meeting with my professor will go tomorrow.
I regret not talking to my professor earlier - although not technically my fault.
I am not feeling very confident about my abilities.
I dance with Mr. Aspiring in the kitchen almost every day.
I sing in my church choir.
I cry rarely.
I am not a good housekeeper.
I make with my hands a garden on my porch.
I write too damn much and not enough.
I confuse names.
I need to finish paper #2 and begin paper #3.
I should get a good night's sleep one of these years.
I start summer break in seven days.
I finish my first year of MA work in seven days.
I tag anyone left.

2006-04-30T20:36:00.000-05:00

Okay... I am currently at twelve complete pages. I have until Tuesday afternoon to finish this paper - so I feel pretty good about where I am - unless of course, I am informed that I am reading everything wrong. In which case, I really don't know what I will do.

Mr. Aspiring is currently proofreading for me (so glad I married a journalist). I need to take some real time away from this bad boy - not that I really have that as an option, but one can dream can't one. I think I will start looking over my notes for paper #3 while Mr. A proofreads.

2006-04-30T17:49:00.000-05:00

Ahhh.... writing papers. I just need to take a short break. I have been at this pretty hard for the last little bit and my brain is starting to drip out of my ears. I am more than halfway with this paper... and I have a decent outline for the rest of it. I do need to revisit some of the writings of the apostle Paul - but other than that, I think I have a clear feel for how I am going to wrap this whole thing up.

Mr. Aspiring made chocolate chip cookies - from one of those premade cookie dough packages - but nonetheless I was pretty impressed. They were a good paper writing treat. I probably should think about what I am going to do for dinner. I haven't really eaten a meal today, just snacks.

I think that this paper is going to come together okay. I just hope that when I meet with my professor tomorrow s/he doesn't think I have misread everything. I have used a lot of critical resources - so hopefully if s/he doesn't agree with my reading s/he will at least be comfortable with the fact that other critics have chosen to read my main text in a similar fashion.

Once I am finished with this, I can start on paper #3. And then I will be done. So far, this hasn't been as bad as I expected - knock on wood. I just need to keep my fingers crossed and hope that I am doing everything correctly. My self-confidence is down around zero currently; actually it is probably in the negative. I like the work I am doing - so that is good - I am just afraid that I am doing it all wrong.

On that note, I should probably get back to work or think about making dinner.

2006-04-30T09:32:00.000-05:00

It is morning. I worked hard all yesterday and I feel good about what I need to accomplish today. Mr. Aspiring will be heading to church in a bit but I will stay home to push on through this paper. The house will be nice and quiet... and as long as I don't take a nap... I should get a lot done. I am feeling less panic... probably because I am a lot less tired that I was when I originally got the news that I would have to redo my paper.

So... here I go...heading into day two of marathon paper writing.

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2006-04-29T17:45:00.000-05:00

I spent the day at the cafe. It was nice. I worked straight through - except when I shared my table with a retired law professor. He asked me what I was working on, I told him, and he asked me some really good questions. I currently have nine pages of fairly well organized notes. And a thesis that I think my professor will like. Although, who knows?

In other good news, I was able to take off from work all week next week. That means there is nothing between me and my final papers. It takes the edge off of the stress.

I am going to take a break now and spend an hour watching TV with my husband. Then I will hit it again. There is one other book I want to glance through, plus an essay I want to read.

Deep cleansing breath

2006-04-29T12:19:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I turned paper #1. It was a page longer than it needed to be. Go me. I don't know if it was very good but was the right length.

I came home at six (after work) and decided to take a nap. Mr. Aspiring came home around seven and decided that he would join me on my nap. We both woke up this morning around eight. I feel really refreshed right now.

I had Mr. Aspiring drop me off at a local coffee shop on his way to work and I am now seated surrounded with half a dozen books around me. I have my iPod plugged into my labtop charging and I am listening to music off of it at the same time. I feel amazingly good about things even though I am kind of screwed currently. But, it will be okay - somehow.

Back to work.

1 down, 2 to go.

2006-04-28T07:34:00.000-05:00

Well... I pulled off paper number one with time to spare. Okay... maybe not... but the paper is written and I now have an hour to do a final proofreading of it. I have already proofread most of it and my husband has as well (I love having a writer in the family).

I may just get breakfast.

And then I can begin on the Problem Paper.

0/19441/4/287

2006-04-28T04:02:00.000-05:00

I have completely reorganized my paper for tomorrow (well, actually today). This is not the bad news paper... but more on that later. I need to put together 4.5 more pages between now and late this morning. I have... give or take... five hours. My sweet, sweet Mr. Aspiring has gotten up so he work as scribe... that way I can pace in our living room keeping the blood flowing to my head. And he is willing to do this even though he has gotten a grand total of 4 hours of sleep and he needs to work for a total of 10 hours (between his two jobs). I really am quite lucky to have found him.

Okay... back to the task at hand.

0/19441/6/283

2006-04-27T15:12:00.000-05:00

Okay folks... I am trying not to panic. I just met with one of my professors and I was told that the work I have done on my paper is based on a misreading of my key text... and that I need to start over again. That is right.... all over again.

I still need to finish my paper for tomorrow so I cannot worry about this right now. So... I came home, I had a good cry... now I am going to take a quick shower, pack up my books and head to the nearest cafe with my laptop. I will tell Mr. Aspiring to meet me there after work if he wants to see me at all this evening. And then I will work from there until the place closes. Tonight at eleven I will come home, sit down at my kitchen table and work until daybreak.

Ahhhh.... graduate school.... why did I choose to do this to myself?

That's right... because I love what I am studying.

It will be okay... it will be okay... it will be okay.

If anyone has extra good karma lying around... feel free to send it my way.

2006-04-26T21:03:00.000-05:00

Ahh... finals season... the time when graduate students everywhere stock up on energy drinks and junk food as they make a last ditch effort to complete their final papers. It has been both cathartic and awe-inspiring watching The Queen put together her final papers. Man, if she can pull off the miracle that she accomplished... anything is possible.

So, here is the latest numbers

American Literature 13 pages of 20 pages due Friday (1.5 days)
American Religions 7 pages of 18 pages due next Tuesday (6 days)
Post-Colonial Literature 4 pages of 20 pages due next Friday (9 days)

Any bets on how this works out?

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2006-04-25T22:51:00.000-05:00

Today someone asked me what I wanted to do with a graduate degree in English. I told them, totally straight-faced, "I want to find the cure for cancer."

I love getting this question.

2006-04-25T20:47:00.000-05:00

I just got home and I am settling in for another evening of writing papers. How fun! I just thought I would pop in on the blogosphere and see what is going on. I probably will wind up wasting too much time procrastinating. Oh well...

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Until the end of the semester

2006-04-25T20:30:00.000-05:00

Edited yet again... sorry folks... you can just ignore this.

Edited once again

I moved this up to keep an eye on what I need to be working on. I now have 20 days until the end of the semester.

One month before the end of the semester... time to move into rocket mode... I can't get caught with my pants around my ankles when it comes time to wrap up the semester (symbolically speaking, of course).

Things to do before the end of the semester...
1) Finish Kafka (if time) Not going to happen
2) Finish Kafka criticism (if time) Not going to happen
3) Finish reading NT for American Religions course
4) Finish marxist historian
5) Finish marxist post-colonialist
6) Finish marxist post-colonial historian (sense a pattern here) DONE
7) American literature paper (at 22 pages - mostly disorganized) (4 pages of real text completed) (10 PAGES)
8) Post-colonial paper (need topic) (TOPIC CHOSEN!!!) (TWO PAGES)
9) American religions paper (topic chosen and research begun in earnest) (7 pages)
10) Read piece of American fiction DONE
11) Read piece of african fiction DONE
12) Read dramatist DONE
13) Read dramatist theory DONE
14) Read african dramatist DONE
15) Read Jameson DONE

It is doable... just need to kick it into high gear. I figure if I write 2.5 pages a day... I should be in a good place pretty soon... Most of my papers I due the end of finals week... so I have a little more time than I am planning for... but better to be done earlier than later.

Now that I have a plan... back to work. If I can only keep myself away from the X-files. :)

668/17601/5/230

2006-04-25T07:32:00.000-05:00

We are slowly creeping closer and closer to the end of the semester. I will attend one of my classes for the last time today. I will have a final for the class next week but today is the last day of lecture. pheeeewww

Just keep swimming... just keep swimming....

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2006-04-23T20:34:00.000-05:00

I think I finally have an overarching idea underwhich I can group my comparision of the two novels for my American Literature paper. This is a HUGE break.

***Aspiring Academic does dance of joy through her living room.***

2006-04-22T12:24:00.000-05:00

I am currently volunteering as a ticket taker at one of the local museums. I do this once or twice a month... it gives me an comfortable place to work without a whole lot of distractions (we don't get a whole lot of visitor) but I can feel like I am a part of the community and that I haven't just hidden myself away. I am may be deluding myself here... but, ahhhh, well.

I am working on my American Religions paper. It is coming along rather well... I have a good base ... I need to work on complicating my argument a bit... but it is a good beginning. Plus, it is a good break from my American literature paper.

My American literature paper... which is currently at nine pages... has hit a roadblock. I am trying to bring together two works by the same author... two books with very different world views. It is amazing to me... to be completely honest... that these two books were written by the same author. I have been able to... for the most part... organize my thought on how these books present different perspectives... but I have been unable to figure out what this means for his/her work. I am STUCK!!!

So, anyway, working on my American Religions paper has allowed me to move away from the confusion surrounding my American literature paper.

I will be so glad when the semester is over. I love studying literature... the sad part is that although I like writing... I haven't really enjoyed writing my papers this semester. I don't know if it is the subject or the sheer volume. Whichever... I like being able to see the end of the tunnel... even though I have quite a ways to go before I get to the light.

2006-04-21T17:40:00.000-05:00

This afternoon has been reasonably productive. I think tonight and tomorrow should be pretty good as well. Let's keep our fingers crossed.

Here is the to-do list until the end of the semester.

1) American lit paper - Currently at nine pages, I need to get it closer to twenty.
2) American religions paper - currently at two pages (but I actually like my introduction - which is always the most difficult for me), it needs to be eighteen
3) Post-colonial paper - two pages of rough outline, needs to be closer to twenty

4) Read post-colonial theory book

Any bets on whether I will accomplish all this in the next two weeks?

2006-04-20T21:54:00.000-05:00

Quick math... If I write ~4 pages per day from tomorrow until the end of the semester... I should be fine. I think that I should probably write more than 4 page a day for the next week or so... so that I can spend a good amount of time editing. But I should be good regardless.

Whatever happened to 2.5 pages a day until the end of the semester... I never seem to be able to stick to my plans.

2006-04-20T15:01:00.000-05:00

I NEED Taco Bell!!

116/19269/6/264

2006-04-20T13:50:00.000-05:00

Ugghhh... I just cannot seem to keep myself focused today. I have been trying to work on one of my papers for three hours now... and nothing. I have all these ideas for paper #2 but the kicker is that I promised to get a draft to the professor for whom I am writing "major writer's block" paper."

The irony of it all!

2006-04-19T22:29:00.000-05:00

I just had a thought... I think this summer I will "blog-a-book." Each week on Friday, starting the second week in May, I will blog my literary adventures. It will keep my writing limber... and keep me focused.

So... starting May 12... I will begin "Aspiring Academic's Adventures in Literature; otherwise known as Blog-A-Book."

Anyone want to join me... it might be a fun blogland summer activity.

Taking a break

2006-04-19T21:53:00.000-05:00

Taking a break from working on papers, I thought I would compile my summer reading list. I went around the house collecting books (mine, borrowed and library) that I have been dying to read but haven't had time to... I decided to compile the list for a) fun, b) possible discussion, and c) distraction. I hope you find it entertaining. And yes, I am a bit OCD.

Summer 2006

The Shadow of the Sun by Ryszard Kapuscinski
Morality for Beautiful Girls by Alexander McCall Smith
Tears of the Giraffe by Alexander McCall Smith
The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith *
The Bean Trees by Barbara Kingsolver
The Dante Club by Matthew Pearl
The Egyptologist by Arthur Phillips
Life of Pi by Yann Martel
The Bookseller of Kabul by Asne Seierstad
The Devil in the White City by Erik Larson
Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer**
The Kitchen Boy: A Novel of the Last Tsar by Robert Alexander
Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin
The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown***
Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand
Midnight's Children by Salman Rushdie
Russka by Edward Rutherford
The Princes of Ireland by Edward Rutherford
Small Island by Andrea Levy
Angle of Repose by Wallace Stegner
My Name is Red by Orhan Pamuk
Nine Parts of Desire by Geraldine Brooks
Islam by Seyyed Hossein Nasr
Baudolino by Umberto Eco
The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco
Wild Thorns by Sahar Khalifeh
The Lonely Londoners by Sam Selvon
Moses Ascending by Sam Selvon
A Small Place by Jamaica Kincaid
Scribbling the Cat by Alexandra Fuller
Sill Waters in the Niger by Kathleen Hill
Palestine's Children by Ghassan Kanafani
Mirror Mirror by Gregory Maguire
The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger ****
River Town: Two Years on the Yangtze by Peter Hessler
Abraham by Bruce Feiler
A Walk Across America by Peter Jenkins
Walking the Bible by Bruce Feiler
Stiff by Mary Roach
Spook by Mary Roach
Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
The Gangster We Are All Looking For by le thi diem thuy
Ella Minnow Pea by Mark Dunn
The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova
Heading South, Looking North by Ariel Dorfman
Segu by Maryse Conde
The Guide by R.K. Narayan
The Longest Memory by Fred D'Aguiar
Bitter Fruit by Achmat Dangor
Waiting to Live by Mewa Ramgobin
Shame by Solomon Rushdie
My Name is Asher Levi by Chiam Potok
Hannah Coulter by Wendell Berry
The Famished Road by Ben Okri
The Outside World by Tova Mirvis
Julian by Gore Vidal

Getting What You Came For: The Smart Student's Guide to Earning a Master's or PhD by Robert L. Peters

The Historical Guide to H.D. Thoreau by William Cain
The Cambridge Companion to R.W. Emerson
Revolution and the Word: The Rise of the Novel in America by Cathy N. Davidson
Race and Reunion: The Civil War in American Memory by David Blight
Literature, Theory and Common Sense by Antoine Compagnon
A Map of Misreading by Harold Bloom
Will in the World by Stephen Greenblatt
Theory's Empire *****
Orientalism by Edward Said
Many, many multiple (learning the letter M here folks) selections from The Norton Anthology of Theory and Criticism
The Historical Novel by Georg Luckacs
The Archaeology of Knowledge by Foucault
American Sensations by Shelley Streeby
The Machine in the Garden by Leo Marx
Transcendental Utopias by Richard Francis
Reader in a Strange Land by Peter Ruppert
The Utopian Novel in America by Jean Pfaelzer
Literature and Humanitarian Reform in the Civil War Era by Gregory Eiselein
The Spirit of Utopia by Ernst Bloch
Critical Essays on Ralph Waldo Emerson
Jesus in America by Richard Fox

The Divine Comedy by Dante
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Persuasion by Jane Austen
The Jungle by Upton Sinclair
Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl by Harriet Jacobs
Women in the Nineteenth Century by Margaret Fuller
The Country of the Pointed Firs by Sarah Orne Jewett
Narrative of Sojourner Truth by Sojourner Truth
The Essential Writings of RW Emerson
Walden by HD Thoreau
The Complete Short Stories of Ambrose Bierce
Paradise Lost by John Milton
Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe
No Longer at Ease by Chinua Achebe

Engaging Ideas by John C Bean
Writing Analytically by David Rosenwasser and Jill Stephen

Okay, so there is no way that I can possibly get through all of these in one summer. But I can dream, can't I?

So what is on your summer reading list?

* I have a very good friend who served in the Peace Corp in Africa. She said Smith really captures the feel of the continent. Oh, and I have listed the books in reverse order.
** I loved Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
*** Yeah, yeah... I know.
**** Or maybe not
***** So controversial

Oh... and these are organized in no particular fashion. It may momentarily appear so... but they aren't. They are organized by order of when I found them.

2006-04-18T19:16:00.000-05:00

There was a letter in my mailbox at school today - I was awarded a teaching assistantship for next fall. This is a much coveted thing for an MA in my program! I am so excited! Little dance of joy... happy dance... yeah rah...!!

Mr. Aspiring and I are going to eat a nice pasta dinner with cheesecake for desert - as our celebration meal. We are also going to watch an episode of two of the "Files de X" before I return to my regularly scheduled nervous breakdown. I deserve the celebration. Than I will hit the books.

305/19153/9/258

2006-04-17T22:35:00.000-05:00

6o-plus pages of literary theory later - my brain is fried. Just wanted to take a break and do this fun little meme that I saw at Shelley's.

Go to Wikipedia. Type in your birth date (but not year). List three events that happened on your birthday. List two important births and one interesting death. Post this in your journal.

Three Events
1930 - Betty Boop premieres in the animated film Dizzy Dishes.
1942 - Quit India resolution was passed by the Bombay session of the AICC, which leads to the start of a civil disobedience movement across India
1949 - Bhutan becomes independent

Two Births
1814 - Esther Morris, suffragist and the first U. S. woman judge (d. 1902)
1961 - The Edge, Irish guitarist (U2)

One Death
1965 - Shirley Jackson, American author (b. 1916)

Okay... back to the ole' grindstone.

2006-04-17T19:44:00.000-05:00

I have discovered that dreaming about paper writing means that you never really feel refreshed after a night's sleep. Last night I kept waking up thinking about my paper... I probably should have just gotten up and worked on it... but I refused. I wanted one good night' s sleep. Now I am feeling tried and stressed... where I would have just been tired if I had gotten up.

I am really stressed about paper number 3. I don't feel like I am up to the task. I am going to meet with anonymous professor this week but I feel almost at a loss as to what questions to ask. I am feeling really stupid here! I am trying to focus on the two papers I feel good about... instead of getting all worked up about paper #3... but I don't know that it is working.

At least, Mr Aspiring is bringing home dinner... yes, more fast food. Many more nights like this and Mr Aspiring and I will be as big as houses.

And have I mentioned that I am exhausted. Anyone got any good stress relef tactics. Right now my heart is in my throat.

2006-04-12T22:46:00.000-05:00

Paper #1 is coming along soundly. I still have a whole lot of work to do but I feel good about it. I know where I am going and I feel like I can pursue my chosen intellectual path.

I have not yet begun writing paper #2 but I feel comfortable in my ability to do so. I did an independant study on the topic while as an undergraduate - and therefore I have a fairly complete annotated bibliography. I have a fairly decent understanding of the research surround the topic and so ... I have not yet begun to stress about it.

Paper #3, however, is a nightmare. I don't feel capable of doing the research that would WOW this professor because s/he is so knowledgable of a line of literary theory that I know so little about. And spending the last however many weeks in her/his class has improved me my understanding but not to where I feel it needs to be. I have tried to set up an appointment with her/him... but so far I have not had a whole lot of luck. Perhaps things will settle down this week. I am not blaming anonymous professor, I just am admitting that I feel a little (okay, a whole lot) lost.

So, I keep plugging away. One day at a time.

394/18848/5/249

2006-04-11T01:02:00.000-05:00

So tired... must sleep. So tired... must sleep.

218/18454/7/244

2006-04-09T21:33:00.000-05:00

This weekend has been a kicker. Actually, I haven't had a weekend quite like it in a while. The highlight of my weekend was having so nutjob call me late at night to chew me out. The real amazing thing about this chew out session - is that I have never had a conversation with the screwball in question. S/he has issues with someone I know... and therefore felt compelled to drag me into it. Even though, I was not even peripherally involved. And it was late enough at night that just calling was inappropriate... let alone calling to harass me. I think s/he was drunk. S/he might also be mentally ill. Who knows? Needless to say, I just rolled over and went back to sleep. I would have hung up on him/her but I was afraid s/he would show up on my doorstep if I didn't let them feel like s/he had had his/her say.

Other than that, I have holed myself in my apartment and worked on my multiple papers. I have also eaten a ridiculous amount of junk food... and, amazingly, I feel NO guilt about that one. I figure it is crunch time... I can worry about my diet later. Probably not really intelligent... but ... oh, well.

Tomorrow starts the week again... and I feel exhausted already. Only 26 more days until the end of the semester... you can go with out sleep for that long, right?

2006-04-09T21:31:00.000-05:00

You Are An Independent Girlfriend!

Whoa, Ms. Independent! Your guy digs your modern style...
But he's sometimes left to wonder if you really like him.
Keep that unique spirit, but show him your love a bit more often.
No worries - you're light years away from smothering him!

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?

I think that my husband would agree that I am very independant. But, I also think that he is very confident in my love for him... and that he feels comfortable in the ways that I express it.

2006-04-07T20:48:00.000-05:00

I am currently working on this paper that, although not revolutionary by any stretch of the imagination, is requiring me to move beyond my intellectual comfort zone... to ask questions and juxtapose ideas that are strange to me. This is where I must say that Kindly Professor is the best professor I could have for such a project. KP has been very encouraging to me and allowed me room to stretch. S/he has helped me develop interesting questions as well as helped me find approaches to material that require me to look at my ideas in a new light. And KP has done all of this without being judgmental of my flounderings.

Working with KP has not only given me the courage to try intellectually difficult thought patterns but s/he has made me excited to continue pursing my ideas. I get exciting working on this paper because I feel like, though I have tons of support, I don't have to support KP own position or interpretations of literature.

Due to my work with KP, it has been a very good couple of days - exhausting and difficult - indeed.

170/18236/1/237

2006-04-05T23:31:00.000-05:00

As seen all over... I am just finally getting to it. It has been one of my favorite 'thought viruses' however...
Meme instructions: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. NO CHEATING.

1. How does the world see you? "Brand New Colony" (The Postal Service)
2. Will I have a happy life? "Is there something I should know" (Duran Duran) - beings 'please, please tell me now
3. What do my friends really think of me? "Not Dark Yet" (Bob Dylan)
4. Do people secretly lust after me? "I fought in a war" (Belle and Sebastian)
5. How can I make myself happy?"Like a Rolling Stone" (Bob Dylan) - I do like to travel!
6. What should I do with my life? "The Tallest Man, The Broadest Shoulders" (Sufjan Stevens)
7. Will I ever have children? "New Moon on Monday" (Duran Duran)
8. What is some good advice for me? "So You'd Like to Save the World" (Lloyd Cole) - Lyrics: "So you'd like to save the world. I suggest you take one person at a time and start with me"
9. How will I be remembered? "Frozen Charlotte" (Natalie Merchant)
10. What is my signature dancing song? "Artficial Flowers" (The Beautiful South) - It is quite a sad, slow song...??
11. What do I think my current theme song is? "Indoor Fireworks" (Elvis Costello) - EXCELLENT
12. What does everyone else think my current theme song is? Hazy Jane I (Nick Drake) - Isn't every graduate student 'hazy' at this point in the semeter.
13. What song will play at my funeral? "Wild Boys" (Duran Duran) - Classic! Actually, I only have one "Duran Duran" album so the fact that they keep coming up must be some sort of sign.
14. What type of men/women do you like? Men Friends: Chicago (Sufjan Stevens) Women Friends: "We rule the school" (Belle and Sebastian) - Of course women 'rule the school'!
15. What is my day going to be like? "Love Invincible" (Michael Franti and Spearhead) - nice!

2006-04-05T20:22:00.000-05:00

Today on the way home from classes, I passed a woman who was crying. It broke my heart even though I didn't know her or know why she was upset. As I contemplated this experience, it may me think about why it is I have chosen to study literature and not something 'useful' like medicine or law. In my head, I began to compose something (a blog, a paper intro, a letter??) about literature and the human experience. I still want to write it... but I am too tired right now to compose anything and I am afraid that if I attempt to do so it will come out sounding a)non-critical or b) overly touchy-feely - neither of which is my desire. So I will postpone it... however, I wanted to at least record it so I will come back to it later.

I also want to write a short blog about critical approaches to literature vs untrained/uncritical approaches to literature. But that will also have to wait for another day.

Right now I am going to hop into the tub, read a book for one of my many research projects and then I will get ready for bed. Sometime in all that, I think I will eat some chocolate. I defy anyone to stop me.

2006-04-04T23:40:00.000-05:00

Today I actually found time (and desire) to work on one of my papers. It is merely a start but it is something... just keep doing a little something everyday and I should get there eventually.

11/18066/3/236

2006-04-04T06:57:00.000-05:00

So tired... want to sleep... but I must get up and get ready for the day... must head into school early

The end of semester rush is beginning.

454/18055/3/233

2006-04-03T19:13:00.000-05:00

Let's all give a big shout out to PhD Me and her awesome job offer!

Indigo Girls.... Thesis Writing

2006-03-30T08:39:00.000-06:00

I found this MP3 over at PhD.com.... it is hysterical. Check it out.

I got this from Bgiogirl

2006-03-29T19:35:00.000-06:00

How to make a Aspiring Academic

Ingredients:

1 part intelligence

1 part crazyiness

1 part ego

Method:
Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add emotion to taste! Do not overindulge!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

2006-03-29T19:29:00.000-06:00

Back from my meeting... Mr. Aspiring has run out to get us dinner... tonight's fare is Taco Bell. Realistically, how much fast food do graduate students eat? The number has to be staggering. And most of us are in our late twenties to early thirties - not at the peak of our metabolic abilities. And with the stress, it is a wonder that we don't hear about graduate students having heart attacks on a regular basis.

Tonight will consist of reading, and watching X-files. We are watching season 2 of the X-Files and Scully has just been returned from her abduction experience. Mr. Aspiring are intensely curious to find out what happens next.

I think I hear him know... dinner has arrived.

2006-03-29T17:56:00.000-06:00

I just got home from work... and I have to leave again in five minutes to go to a meeting across town. Can you say... exhausted!?!

2006-03-27T19:30:00.000-06:00

Work was good today. I actually got handed three large assignments - but it feels good to be needed and useful. I like being needed. I think we all need to be needed. Plus, each of these three projects are interesting in their own way. I think that I am going to learn quite a bit.

Tonight is reading night. I have less than forty days until the end of the semester (not that I have counted) and, in order to get everything done, I need to write two pages a day in addition to all my course reading. That should be possible. I am just worried that I will procrastinate and not get my two pages a day done; then, in three week, start stressing because I have to write twenty pages a day. Small and simple - this type of attitude should be good practice for my dissertation.

Mr. Aspring and I are going to take a break later and play a round of 'uno'. I try to spend some quality time with him each night - even if the quantity is lacking.

Anyway, back to the reading and writing... but I have this great new tea to drink while I work. It is a blend of camomille, rosehips, and peppermint. So yummy. Back to my book.

2006-03-27T06:23:00.000-06:00

Last night, though I did get quite a bit of reading done, I also had the chance to chat with an old friend of mine and get caught up on her life. We talked for two and a half hours - and since I am not really a phone talker that is a feat. It was so good to hear from her and talk about all the crazy adventures we have had (I last saw her a few months after her wedding... she is now the mother of a two year old) and remince about our time as university undergraduates. We had sent christmas cards, and wedding and birth announcements - but we hadn't chatted in four years. I don't want to do that again. I need to make sure that I don't lose touch with her like that.

She mentioned that she had a bunch of frequent flyer miles and that this summer she would love to fly out to Academic Wonderland to see me. So, I think this summer we will get to pal around and philosophize some more. I cannot wait.

And I am going to be better about staying in touch.

Women in Literature Meme

2006-03-27T00:07:00.000-06:00

This one comes via Mon and PhD Me.

Instructions: Bold the ones you've read. Italicize the ones you'd like to read. Question mark any you don't know. X any you aren't interested in reading.

Alcott, Louisa May - Little Women (I avoided reading this as a child because it was 'girly'.)
?? Allende, Isabel - The House of Spirits
Angelou, Maya - I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings (She came and spoke at our high school. It was amazing.)
??Atwood, Margaret - Cat's Eye (I have been wanting to read The Handmaid's Tale)
Austen, Jane - Emma (this is one of those need to reads - I am not a big fan of this style of literature)
??Bambara, Toni Cade - Salt Eaters?
??Barnes, Djuna - Nightwoodde
Beauvoir, Simone - The Second Sex
xxBlume, Judy - Are You There God? It's Me Margaret (not that it wouldn't be interesting, but I am past this point in my life)
Burnett, Frances - The Secret Garden (another story I missed out on as a youth because it was 'girly' - man I was such a tomboy)
Bronte, Charlotte - Jane Eyre (need to read)
Bronte, Emily - Wuthering Heights
Buck, Pearl - The Good Earth
??Byatt, A.S. - Possession
Cather, Willa - My Antonia
Chopin, Kate - The Awakening (I have read this in three different classes)
xxChristie, Agatha - Murder on the Orient Express
Cisneros, Sandra - The House on Mango Street (love it)
??Clinton, Hillary Rodham - Living History
??Cooper, Anna Julia - A Voice From the South
??Danticat, Edwidge - Breath, Eyes, Memory
??Davis, Angela - Women, Culture, and Politics
??Desai, Anita - Clear Light of Day
Dickinson, Emily - Collected Poems
Duncan, Lois--I Know What You Did Last Summer
??DuMaurier, Daphne - Rebecca
Eliot, George - Middlemarch
??Emecheta, Buchi - Second Class Citizen
??Erdrich, Louise - Tracks
Esquivel, Laura - Like Water for Chocolate
xxFlagg, Fannie - Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe
Friedan, Betty - The Feminine Mystique
Frank, Anne - Diary of a Young Girl
Gilman, Charlotte Perkin - The Yellow Wallpaper
Gordimer, Nadine - July's People
xxGrafton, Sue - S is for Silence
Hamilton, Edith - Mythology (didn't we all read this in high school?)
xxHighsmith, Patricia - The Talented Mr. Ripley
??hooks, bell - Bone Black (although I know bell hooks)
Hurston, Zora Neale - Dust Tracks on the Road
Jacobs, Harriet - Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl
Jackson, Helen Hunt - Ramona
Jackson, Shirley - The Haunting of Hill House
??Jong, Erica - Fear of Flying
Keene, Carolyn - The Nancy Drew Mysteries
Kidd, Sue Monk - The Secret Life of Bees
Kincaid, Jamaica - Lucy
Kingsolver, Barbara - The Poisonwood Bible
??Kingston, Maxine Hong - The Woman Warrior
Larsen, Nella - Passing
L'Engle, Madeleine - A Wrinkle in Time
??Le Guin, Ursula K.- The Left Hand of Darkness
Lee, Harper - To Kill a Mockingbird
??Lessing, Doris - The Golden Notebook
??Lively, Penelope - Moon Tiger
Lorde, Audre - The Cancer Journals
Martin, Ann M.--The Babysitters Club Series (I think I stopped at 50-something)McCullers, Carson - The Member of the Wedding
xxMcMillan, Terry - Disappearing Acts
Markandaya, Kamala - Nectar in a Sieve
??Marshall, Paule - Brown Girl, Brownstones
xxMitchell, Margaret - Gone with the Wind
Montgomery, Lucy - Anne of Green Gables (Loved, loved, loved - and these weren't too 'girly' )
??Morgan, Joan - When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost
Morrison, Toni - Song of Solomon
Murasaki, Lady Shikibu - The Tale of Genji
??Munro, Alice - Lives of Girls and Women
??Murdoch, Iris - Severed Head
??Naylor, Gloria - Mama Day
Niffenegger, Audrey - The Time Traveller's Wife
Oates, Joyce Carol - We Were the Mulvaneys
O'Connor, Flannery - A Good Man is Hard to Find
??Piercy, Marge - Woman on the Edge of Time
Picoult, Jodi - My Sister's Keeper
Plath, Sylvia - The Bell Jar
??Porter, Katharine Anne - Ship of Fools
xxProulx, E. Annie - The Shipping News
Rand, Ayn - The Fountainhead (I did read Anthem)
??Ray, Rachel - 365: No Repeats
Rhys, Jean - Wide Sargasso Sea
??Robinson, Marilynne - Housekeeping
??Rocha, Sharon - For Laci
Sebold, Alice - The Lovely Bones
Shelley, Mary - Frankenstein
Smith, Betty - A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
Smith, Zadie - White Teeth
??Spark, Muriel - The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie
Spyri, Johanna - Heidi
??Strout, Elizabeth - Amy and Isabelle
xxSteel, Danielle - The House
Tan, Amy - The Joy Luck Club
??Tannen, Deborah - You're Wearing That
??Ulrich, Laurel - A Midwife's Tale
??Urquhart, Jane--Away
Walker, Alice--The Temple of My Familiar (I loved The Color Purple)
Welty, Eudora - One Writer's Beginnings
Wharton, Edith - Age of Innocence
Wilder, Laura Ingalls - Little House in the Big Woods
Wollstonecraft, Mary - A Vindication of the Rights of Women (need to read it all)
Woolf, Virginia - A Room of One's Own (I think)

Looking at this, it is pretty sad. I have some work ahead of me.

2006-03-26T19:30:00.000-06:00

Ahh... a head cold. What an excellent way to return from Spring Break! Actually, I shouldn't complain. I am much better today than I was on Friday - and I am sure Monday will be even better. I just think that it is ironic somehow.

Mr Aspiring and I went to church this morning, came home, took a nap, made some phone calls, read a bit and now I am going to settle down with some herbal tea (pomeganate), a nice warm bath (with lots of steam) and a book. It should make for an excellent evening. There is nothing like tea when you are reading domestic fiction of the 'upper crust.' Normally, I am not really into this type of fiction - it isn't edgy enough for me. I have never been a big Jane Austin fan - sorry everyone - but this one has been a good read. So... tea and a novel - just need some crumpets and I will be able to walk back into fictional time.

345/16933/11/225

I'm Baaaack

2006-03-25T19:21:00.000-06:00

Spring break was wonderful. I so enjoyed visiting with my father. It was incredibly hard to see him leave. He has always been such a huge support in my life and a source of inspiration. It probably made it harder to say goodbye to him after having visited the small town where I was a kid. From the time I was three until the time I was ten, I lived in a small farming community about three hours from where I now attend school. My dad, husband and I drove there over spring break and looked around. Nothing had changed. And I felt myself wishing I could be six again, riding my bike without a care in the world, and listening to my father tell me all about the amazing plants and animals that were indigenious to this small town. Coming home from that experience, I felt myself especially homesick... and so it was really hard when it came time for my father to leave. Don't you wish you could be a kid forever?

I got very little work done while my dad was here - but I expected that and I planned for that. I am going to spend tomorrow working (after church) and then spend monday doing so other last minute things. By the time tuesday comes around, I should be ready and raring to go. So, tonight Mr. Aspiring and I are going to rent the X-files movie and just hang out. It will be good to spend some one-on-one time together.

I am going to have to spend a little time planning since I will be giving a lesson at church tomorrow... but that should be nominal. So, tonight is really just mine and my husbands. And that is just fine with me.

2006-03-20T06:38:00.000-06:00

It is Spring Break here in Academic Wonderland. Oh... I couldn't be more thrilled. And in addition to having time off, I get to spend said time off with my father. We are going to paint our little corner of the world red. I am so excited. My father and I get along so well... he has always been my intellectual support. It is so great to have a whole week with him.

Anyway, I don't know how much posting I will do during this week... since my schedule will be thrown off. But even if I don't post... know that I am having fun and working very hard at relaxing.

2006-03-13T16:15:00.000-06:00

Just wanted to glance up from the grindstone... thought I would record my numbers....

383/16588/6/214

Plus the last two days... I have taken two walks. I have also drinken at least four glasses of water a day - which isn't much but better than my normal MO.

2006-03-11T22:04:00.000-06:00

Taking a clue from Dr. Crazy, I thought I would update my blogroll. Anyone want on?

It's finally the weekend... and the work has just begun

2006-03-10T16:56:00.000-06:00

This weekend HAS to be one of accomplishment and productivity. Otherwise, I may be in trouble as we near the end of the semester. I suppose I might be exagerating a bit... but, nontheless, I must throw myself head first into my work.

Mr Aspiring has just gone to McDonald's to pick up our super healthy dinner. We are going to have a short bit of time together while we eat and watch and episode of the Simpsons. Then I am going to sit my butt in a chair at the kitchen table (to be assured I won't sleep) and work. Tomorrow, I have two meeting to attend... but other than that... tomorrow's schedule will be more of the same (butt in chair at kitchen table). My rather extensive... and no doubt impossible list...

1) Finish reading Kafka selections DONE
2) Read Kafka criticism (articles) DONE
3) Read Kafka criticism (book) IN PROGRESS
4) Modify conference paper based on feedback from this week's conference
5) Put together crib notes for American Religion's exam DONE
6) Read PostColonial Theory by current professor
7) Read literary criticism
8) Begin reading for American literature paper IN PROGRESS
9) Begin outline for American literature paper
10) Finish Rough Draft of American Religions paper DONE - Now I must revise and expand. REVISED and TURNED IN
11) Read novel for PostColonial paper
12) Finsh PostColonial Theory by Marxist author
13) Write Letter to the editor
14) Prepare lesson DONE
15) Prepare presentation DONE

There are other things that I need to do... but this list is already probably unattainable. Still... must push forward.

I am actually feeling pretty good about things right currently. Although I have more work that I have brain cells... I am feeling like I have some motivation and direction currently. Anyone want to place bets on how long that will last?

Anyway... back to work while I await for dinner to arrive from the land of the golden archs.

2006-03-09T17:34:00.000-06:00

Well... I did it... I lost my academic conference virginity. I presented at my first academic conference yesterday. And no one threw ripe tomatos at me. I don't think anyone was overly impressed but I wasn't booed off the 'stage.' It feels good to have accomplished this. I know that this was just the first of many - but it was big to me.

I also had a conversation yesterday with one of my professors (I will call him/her The Kindly Professor or KP). I spent quite a bit of time talking to KP about some of my ideas and s/he was very helpful and encouraging. I feel so lucky to be at a university that employes professors like KP and PA. And I feel even luckier that they are both experts in my field of interest. So yesterday was a good day.

And then I got home... all aglow... to realize that I left my keys in my office.

2006-03-07T22:58:00.000-06:00

So tired... want to sleep... must work on edits for conference paper. Must work on edits for conference paper... must work on edits for conference paper....

293/16205/1/208

Actually, this was the only one I would have wanted to score as...

2006-03-04T22:05:00.000-06:00

You scored as FBI's X-Files Division (The X-Files). You are part of a super secret section of the FBI. You also have the very cool status of â??Special Agentâ??. You believe in many conspiracies and know the government is covering up way too much. Now if only you could the Cigarette Smoking Man to stop providing you with the second-hand smoke.

FBI's X-Files Division (The X-Files)

81%

Babylon 5 (Babylon 5)

81%

Enterprise D (Star Trek)

75%

Serenity (Firefly)

69%

Bebop (Cowboy Bebop)

69%

Galactica (Battlestar: Galactica)

63%

Millennium Falcon (Star Wars)

63%

SG-1 (Stargate)

56%

Moya (Farscape)

56%

Deep Space Nine (Star Trek)

56%

Andromeda Ascendant (Andromeda)

50%

Nebuchadnezzar (The Matrix)

50%

Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile II: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics)
created with QuizFarm.com

2006-03-04T12:08:00.000-06:00

Yesterday night, instead of going to bed early like any responsible sick person, I stayed up late and cleaned the oven and scrubbed the bathtub. How silly am I? Everytime I have a minute to sit down - even if it is forced due to illness - I feel this compulsion to accomplish something. So in the short bits of energy I mustered - I cleaned.

This morning I ran errands and now I am going to settle down to study. I have four books that I want to get through before Tuesday.

1) Post-colonial fiction piece DONE
2) Literary History
3) Literary Theory IN PROCESS
4) Kafka IN PROCESS

Plus... if there is time... I want to read
a) post-colonial theory
b)literary history part 2

In addition, I need to...
1) Finish revisions on my conference paper and submit to Professor Amazing DONE in part, submitted to Professor Amazing
2) Work on American Religions paper
3) Draft final paper proposal for Post-colonial fiction class
4) Begin outlining final paper for American literature class
5) Draft final paper proposal fo American Religions paper

Oi vay... how do I always seem to find myself so overwhelmed. I guess we are just coming up on that time in the semester. It's all good... plus dear ole' Dad will be coming to visit soon. I can't wait for that! 17 days and counting.

2006-03-03T22:01:00.000-06:00

Ugh... I have so much to do and so little energy. I tried to do my samba video today and I got about three minutes in before I had to quit. Now, I know that I am not in great shape but really - this is my flu bug talking. I just stopped trying to exercise. I spent a good portion of today asleep. And now I feel behind. Which means I will probably, against my better judgment, push myself past the point of exhaustion and make myself REALLY sick. Must control my OCD... must control my OCD... must control my OCD.....

125/15912/3/207
Samba - three whole minutes, walking - from the couch to the bathroom, water - ??

I must correct this sad fact...

2006-03-03T12:20:00.000-06:00

create your own visited countries map
or vertaling Duits Nederlands

While not all together pathetic, I must correct the lack of color in this map!

2006-03-03T08:40:00.000-06:00

Yep, I am home sick today. I hate being home sick! I think that I will just lay on the couch and read - so that way I am being productive. Perhaps I can get ahead on my reading - then today won't seem like such a waste.

Sick

2006-03-02T22:54:00.000-06:00

I think that I am coming down with the flu. This isn't a good time. I have two conferences to prepare for, papers to write, and an exam coming up. Plus, I am currently buried under a pile of reading. I think I will actually call in sick tomorrow - something I haven't done yet this school year. I guess I am entitled to get sick once a school year.

I am, however, going to stay up a little later and put together some of my reading notes to email my professor - since I don't think that I will be able to pull myself together to go into campus tomorrow. That will, at least, look like I am not really slacking - right?

In other news, I met with one of my professor's today to talk about a paper I am currently working on. S/he told me the exact opposite of what s/he had told me last time we talked. I like his/her new perspective better that the last one I got - so I am going to go with it. But, talk about confusing. I have heard about people getting conflicting advise for various professor on their dissertation committee but never conflicting advise from the same source. Just role with it, I guess.

Mr. Aspiring (who does so freelance writing) is currently be recruited by a website to put together some fairly extensive copy for them. So extensive, that they might hire him on for a time... which is exciting for you. Mr. Aspiring has a full time job currently - but this offer is so juicy that he just might take it and work nights to complete the copy. He is actually really excited about the kind of work they would have him do. I, therefore, am excited by proxy.

Anyway, I am going to go curl up with a blanket and type up some reading notes, email them to my professor, and then go to bed without setting an alarm. No alarm - that is my definition of heaven.

Samba - no, walking - no (but I did intentionally take the stairs today), water - two glasses (This is pathetic, but then again I am feeling like crap right currently)

The honest truth about my own body image

2006-03-02T00:09:00.000-06:00

Another long day - but that is just the way it goes.

I have decided to blog today about an issue that I have not brought up yet but one that I am beginning to realize really affects me.

I am about twenty-five pounds overweight and this extra weight has created some body images issues for me. Now, I know that twenty-five pounds is not hugely overweight by any stretch - however, it has become a real problem for me. So much so, that I hate going anywhere were I might walk by a storefront window and see my reflection.

When I got married, almost two years ago, I was about fifteen pounds overweight. But with graduate school, married life, and the various stresses I have faced over these last two years, I have gained an additional ten. I have lost five pounds a couple of times - but I seem to gain it right back.

There are a couple of reasons that these twenty-five pounds are such a concern to me. First, I have been blessed with a genetic timebomb of health issues - diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, heart attacks, strokes, cancer... you name it. I worry about having serious health issues as I get older. Secondly, since my husband and I have made the decision (more or less) to wait a few years to have children... and since the older you get the harder pregnancy is on the body... I want to keep myself in optimal health. Finally, I just feel ugly. That is not to say that twenty-five pounds over "perfect weight" is, in itself, unattractive. I just seem to carry my extra weight in ugly places. Some people can carry a little extra weight and not even have it be noticable... not me. Oh, and have I mentioned that I am short - there is no where for any extra weight to go in my vertically challenged little body.

Anyway, I blog all of this for a variety of reasons. First, it feels good to write these feelings down. Second, and most importantly, blogging about it creates a type of "peer pressure" for me to do something about it.

I have begun doing this exercise video. It is based on Brazilian Samba - and, amazingly, I actually kind of enjoy doing it. I also need to go walking on a regular basis. I have going walking a couple of times this last week - but without a walking partner it is hard. Perhaps, I should just get a grip, get out my iPod and "just do it."

So, in addition, to academic blogging - I am also going to post about my health (I hate thinking about diets - it's better to think about healthy life style choices) and body issues upon occasion. Hopefully, this will keep me on track and give me incentive to do what it is that I already know I should be doing.

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Samba - yes, walking - no, water - four glasses

2006-02-27T22:40:00.000-06:00

It has been another long day. And I still have a lot yet to do. Ahhh..."to sleep, perchance to dream." And I, unlike Shakespeare's character, really do mean SLEEP.

I have read and appreciated the comment I received after my last post. It was a post I had wanted to write for awhile - and my friend's comment was just the catalyst I needed to get it written down.

I have thought quite a bit about the various comments left by Mon, Articulate Dad, and Maryanne. I am still mulling them over. I know that part of having success (and I mean real success - where I puzzle over interesting ideas for their own sake, not for the sake of peer pressure, and I leave with some semblance of a self-image) is coming to terms with who I am and not comparing myself to others. Mon, I know you are right when you say that "learning is more important than competition." I agree. I shout out a whole-hearted "YES!" And then I go to class where other students spend so much time comparing themselves to others. And I think about preparing my PhD applications this summer - where I will be competing with a variety of other "aspiring academics" for very few spaces in small programs with limited budgets. And all my philosophical idealism goes right out the window. How do I fight that? How do I remember that it is all about the work... the work I love... and not about the bloodbath, cat fight for funding?

Articulate Dad, your comment about finding out "what you want to ask" is key. I have some ideas... I need to develop them more. And I know that I must not get sidetracked by the "questions" others are asking - although I must connect with them as they relate to my field.

And Maryanne - I needed to hear that there are people out there are learning theory as they go too. The school I am at is so theory driven - many of the students are here merely because of the emphasis on theory. So, not being a "theory-head" (and I don't mean that in an unkind way) is kind of an aboration at my university. It is so good to know that I am not alone. And you are right, "It is going to be just fine."

Anyway... I need to hit the books again. It is going to be another long night.

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Confession

2006-02-25T10:55:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I was having a conversation with another graduate student. S/he told me that I always seemed to have it together. Damn... s/he could not have been more wrong. As I matter of fact, I have no idea how s/he came to that perception. I have hit a point in my graduate experience where I just don't think that I have "it." I want to be smart and organized and capable - but, in reality, I feel un-smart, un-organized, and un-capable. I sit in class, I make comments, I try to participate - not out of any desire to bluff my way through but because I honestly want to be learning. And yet, I always feel that I am one step behind absolutely everyone.

I read... and it's not enough. I seem to miss something in everything I read that turns out to be a major point of contention in class discussions. I write... and it's not enough. When I read the writing of other students, I always feel sadly incapable. I just found out the conference I am presenting at - the student presenting before me is amazing. I am so intimidated by him/her. I don't want my writing compared to his/her.

And then... don't even get me started on theory. I started out graduate school behind everyone else in the theory department - and so it continues. Derrida, Lacan, Foucault - I am familar with their ideas. hooks, Said, Burke - I can at least place them on the tree of theory in their area of greatest concern. But Habermas, Spivak, Vico - I am just hearing about these people now. How did I miss this stuff? Well, my undergraduate university did not emphasize theory. Most of what I learned of theory, before beginning graduate work, I learned on my own. But it makes it so I find myself feeling really stupid most days.

When I compare (I know... don't do this. But, really, it's human nature) myself to other gradutat student that I know I think to myself... I will never be able to compete in real life with any of these people.

But I keep plugging along. Why? I am not really sure. Except that I want this really badly. I have always wanted this. And even though the process does nothing but make me feel dumb, I still want this. This is the hardest thing I have ever done (and it is only the MA). The rebel in me wants to prove to everyone that make me feel stupid (and they do it unintentionally... just by knowing more than I do... not in a cruel way) that I am intelligent enough to figure all this out. I always was one of those people that tried to do anything that anyone told me I couldn't do - even when the person telling me was myself.

Being a graduate student is a really interesting study in the human psyche...

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2006-02-22T22:24:00.000-06:00

Considering the new Jeff Rice debate (see Dr. Crazy - who has some excellent things to say), I found this amusing. Boy that was quick!
___________________________________________________________________

Congratulations! You're a poetic, pop-culture Rice

blog entry. You strum your guitar while

checking your email, reporting the events

with a dusty cowboy style.

Which kind of Jeff Rice blog entry are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2006-02-21T22:10:00.000-06:00

Holy freaking long day. I decided to ditch out on my last meeting because a) I was tired b) It was late and c) It was optional. It felt good to come home and take a long hot bath. I love reading in the tube.

Tomorrow is going to be another long day. I guess this week just feels extra long. I am already counting the days until friday. I will be able to come home friday after 2. And then, I will spend the rest of the weekend snuggled up with a blanket and a book.

It's not that I don't like the research or the class discussions. It is that I like to be at home and comfortable. I am beginning to turn into such a homebody. I just want to work from home. I want to work - I just don't like going out in the cold and ick, traveling forty-five minutes to campus, and then spending all day in uncomfortable back-pain causing chairs.

Anyway, enough complaining. Back to work.

2006-02-21T09:39:00.000-06:00

Today is a big day. And I REALLY feel like taking a "mental health day" - although I know I really can't. UGH! I have meetings until eleven o'clock tonight. How on earth am I going to make it through? I must take a "mental health day" sometime soon. I shouldn't but I am not sure I can make it through until Spring Break.

Ah well, I know my OCD will kick in and I will stick it through until our vacation days. At which time my dear sweet pappy will be visiting.

How many days until Spring Break?

2006-02-20T17:56:00.000-06:00

So, I took Trillwing and RageyOne's advice and cut my losses with TWMBB. Instead today, I worked on some other reading - and actually got quite a bit done while having fun working, instead of wanting to jam an icepick in my eye while suffering through TWMBB.

Tonight, Mr. Aspiring and I have some short plans (eat dinner together and play a board game) and then I will get back to work. I try so hard to have quality time with Mr. Aspiring so that our marriage will continue to strengthen through the stresses of everyday life (not to mention the additional stress of graduate school.)

I hope to finish my reading for Friday today so that I can spend the rest of the week working on revisions for my conference paper and prep for my American Religions paper.

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2006-02-19T19:30:00.000-06:00

This post will, again, cover a multitude of things.

1) Question for all you academics in blogland - In one of my classes we are reading this book. We will call it "The World's Most Boring Book" or TWMBB for short. Now, I have read over three hundred pages of TWMBB - and I just can't find myself caring. I get the basic drift of the book. I understand what the author is trying to do - I just don't give a rat's buttocks. And I still have another three hundred pages to read. Would it be alright if I just stopped here? This book is not in my area of concentration - and I feel I have a good enough grip on it to participate in class discussion. Can I stop now? I have a hard time not completing every bit of reading assigned... but TWMBB borders on the insane. I actually think that continuing to read it might make me dumber. So can I let go of my OCD and stop?

2) I haven't posted 100 Things about Aspiring Academic in a few days. Mostly, because I have lost all inspiration. Pretty pathetic since I haven't even reached day 10 yet. So my question becomes - what sort of things would you all like to know about me? What types of 100 Things would you find entertaining and worth reading? I thank you in advance for you suggestions.

3) In case you were wondering, Mr Aspiring and I had a wonderful date this friday. We ate ourselves silly at our favorite restaurant. We even had dessert. Outrageously expensive - so we won't be repeating this for a couple of years - but so worth every penny.

A good friday post

2006-02-17T16:24:00.000-06:00

This post will cover a variety of things. I hope it is not all too jumbled. I will try to seperate my ideas into various paragraphs.

Class today was excellent. I am currently interested in 19th century American ficiton and it's various attempt to critique the various social and political realities in which it is contextualized. I am doing work on Hawthorne and Melville, in particular. However I am beginning to see some interesting linkage with other authors - some being parings not readily apparent. It is exciting to begin to work through some of these ideas.

After class, I met with Professor Amazing about my conference paper. She suggested that I begin preparing it for submission to some various publications. She gave me so excellent feedback - and although I see a lot of additional research threads to follow - I feel really pumped about working through some of the questions that came up in our conversation.

Then, after meeting with Professor Amazing, I had the chance to sit down and talk to a fellow student who I had not really ever spoken to in any depth. We had a wonderful conversation and I feel like I have begun to make a new friend.

On my way home from campus, I stopped off at a CD store to pick up a valentine's present for my husband. I got him this, this, and this. Being as I was spending money on music, I also bought this. And if that wasn't enough, I am still waiting for my two free CDs from Amazon.com - this and this. Needless to say, we have enough new music at the Aspiring household to last us for awhile. It tends to run this way - we hold off on buying cds for awhile and then we break down and purchase a whole slue of them.

Anyway, tonight I have reservations for Mr. Aspiring and I at a very special restuarant - one that has some meaning for us. Mr. Aspiring doesn't have a clue - so it should be fun to see the surprise on his face. We decided to hold off on doing anything for Valentine's Day until the weekend - seeing as we both work (and go to school) during the week. Tonight should be nice. I am really excited about it.

I need to start getting ready for this evenings plans. It is so rarely that I get all "dolled up." It should be relaxing. Hope everyone had a great week.

I felt like a change

2006-02-17T01:07:00.000-06:00

I liked the look of this blog template (see Blogskins for templates). I have no connection to anything Chinese - I don't speak Chinese, I am not of Chinese ancestry - but I do just like the picture for its simplicity. There is something soothing about it to me. I also liked the quote - so much of life requires patience and a delicate hand. So... I introduce to you the new look for A Small Fish in a Big Pond.

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2006-02-16T17:51:00.000-06:00

Mr. Aspiring and I watched "Born into Brothels" last night. If you haven't seen it, you should. Mr. Aspiring and I had a nice long chat after we watched it. We have always wanted to find ways to help children (if there is one thing that will piss me off - it is people that are unkind to children) - and after seeing this movie we talked about international adoption. Mr. Aspiring and I have always felt like, when the time comes to start a family, we need to bring at least one adopted child into our home. There are so many children in bad situations that really need access to a happy, healthy, safe home environment. Watching the movie reminded Mr. Aspring and I of our feelings and launched us into a interesting conversation. While our current situation does not allow us to adopt, it is a route we want to take eventually. Perhaps through an international adoption agency.